i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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