I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
