in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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