He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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