8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just pee around me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize