Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
