It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
