i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
