This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What a dumb baby whore.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
