Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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