i may or may not be watching the land before time
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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