Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
