dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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