i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize