Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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