official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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