i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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