Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
