Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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