forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
