They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize