Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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