He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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