I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
