You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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