I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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