the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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