benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
