What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
