Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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