That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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