thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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