I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
