i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
