Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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