What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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