If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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