There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
