Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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