the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
