My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
