I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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