On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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