Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
