what day is it and did you see me today?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
