I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
