I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
