If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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