I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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