i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
