I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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