just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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