My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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