Everything about him screamed your future.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
