why didn't you poke me back
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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