its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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