remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
