I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
