In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
