I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
