Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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