wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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