Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
