you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
