she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
