Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
