Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
