Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
