I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
