Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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