A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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